Fleur et Miel

It's the possibility
of having
a dream come true
that makes life
interesting.

                                                       Charlotte Cardin ~ Big Boy

I want to feel something. I need you to make me feel again. I can't go back but I can't let go.
Why do I do this to myself? What is my life for and what am I going to do with it?
All I have is time but time is not enough. I want to leave and never return- burn all the roses holding me back. They may appear to be beautiful but their thorns are piercing my soul.
You know what?
I had enough. And I want out.
Don't make me say it again. I don't know if I am that strong. I just wish that I would stop wishing.
Let the fire cleanse me.


© 2017 Fleur et Miel, All Rights Reserved

“Brisé, pourtant vivant” Part I

So, hello! I just wanted to let you know that I've just created a secondary Tumblr blog dedicated to all things HP. Brisé, pourtant vivant is the first part of my very first attempt to write fan fiction. Go chek it out! Love, Aphrodite!

Honestly, I don’t care if it sounds needy, I’m just tired of having failed relationships because of high expectations, I want to find another human being that accepts me exactly as I am from my “emotional mess” times to “completely wild nerd” times. A guy that literally doesn’t care if I did nothing today or if I got a weird obsession that would seem boring to other people, because he’s ok with being human. I just don’t wanna hide my true self from anyone anymore, if somebody wanna be with me they gotta accept me as I truly am, as a complete human being that is NOT fucking perfect okay ?
I just really wish for myself to find a guy that’s a best friend, someone I can laugh to tears with, someone I can cry in front of and be vulnerable without feeling ashamed, someone that I can trust and tell my secrets to, someone that understands me and loves me completely as I am and that I understand and love completely as he is, someone that looks at me with love and passion, someone I can be sweet and loving with, goofy and angry, colorful. But never hurt each other intentionally or mock the other. Never. We can tease each other and argue, but communication is key, and we have a special understanding of each other. That kind of relationship, the “I will never leave you ever” kind. The “I prefer to stand with you in a storm than be comfortable at home” kind of love. We advise each other and complement each other… we’re just two imperfect people, who know they are imperfect, but that accept each other as they exactly are and love each other unconditionally, wouldn’t change them for anything. We can be fucked up but we wont mind, because we know that’s what part of being human is, but we respect the other and never cross our boundaries. We’re a couple who are total best friends in public, but always finds it endearing to hold each other’s hands. We are a couple that trusts each other and feels secure in the relationship. We are a couple that stands up for their partner through thick and thin and really wants to be together, one where we push each other to be the best they can be even if it makes one upset, we know we are worth it, a wise couple who can talk about everything and anything with no judgment, yet can both be like grandpa and grandma and stay in our pajamas, have a lazy day just watching tv shows and snuggling together while eating things the grandma one prepared, a couple who can go out on dates in casual clothes and not care about people’s opinion, who goes out for long walks in nature, who can be comfortably silent and still somehow understand what the other thinks, who can tell each other things they never told anyone else before and keep the secrets, communicates without judging the other and accepts the other’s opinion, a couple who doesn’t mind insecure and blue days and give enough love to make the other feel at home, a strong couple who stands through challenges bravely and laughs at the face of obstacles, a couple who stays up late at night to talk to each other about anything and everything, that loves each other truly, purely, unconditionally, acceptingly.
I want the sappy love story... I want romance and flickering lights. I want you. All of you. Always.

I know soon you’ll forget the sound of my voice and what color my eyes were. You’ll forget how much I loved music and how I loved your blue sweater...Soon you’ll see me as a stranger; walking by without recognizing me,you won’t even know me while I’ll be getting drunk, trying to forget your name. And failing. Miserably.
And all of a sudden you are no longer... And the excruciating realization that I will never be able to be with the person I am so deeply in love with hits, and everything I had to be happy about seems to disappear. Then there I am. Left with nothing but pain and grief. Oh what a tragedy this truly is. But as it always does, life goes on. I don't. But life does.
I’ve learned that life is a tidal wave. Sometimes it flows and carries you smoothly, but other times it comes crashing down on you so hard and fast that you’re not sure if you’ll ever be able to make it up for air. And sometimes it’s just still. And there’s nothing you can do about it besides letting it take you and hope that you’ll come to the surface and be at peace in the end.
I guess I will find a way to survive. But for now.. please don't ask me to move on.

This is how your life slowly fades to grey. You drive to school or work in the morning when it’s still dark, not paying attention to the sun that creeps onto the horizon, touching the sky with its soft fingertips, turning it from pink to blue because you’re too worried about what this day will bring. There’s this girl that asks you a million questions and you wonder why she can’t give you some space. But you refuse to see that she doesn’t leave your side because she admires you and wishes she was a bit more like you. There’s the boy that holds the door open for you and picks up the pen you dropped but you only roll his eyes at him, not in the mood for anyone’s company. There are nagging doubts scratching your mind’s surface, voices screaming inside your head and you hear them, ignoring the gentle words from people around you. From your friends. From your family. You brush off your best friend’s advice, knowing she’s been here all your life so why could she be gone tomorrow? Truth is: everything we know and everything we take for granted could be gone within the blink of an eye. Everything we saw today can be different by tomorrow. Erased, vanished, like it was never there in the first place, or it could’ve left footprints, scattered remains to remind us of what we have lost. So darling, if I can give you some advice: please don’t take anything for granted, ever. Don’t stop being grateful. And don’t, please don’t stop seeing and appreciating the different shades and colours that make our life what it is, the midnight blue of sadness, the fiery red of love, the deep green of hope and the bright yellow of happines